Episode Five of the sophomore season of Secret Life of the American Teenager pushes forward with more drudgery. Again, the audience is faced with an episode that seems to be like every other episode except for a few more plot points. Sometimes it feels like ABC Family ordered more episodes than the team of writers could actually write. So, instead of crafting plot points in every episode they smush them in every other or every third episode and then try to fill in the blank with a complete waste of time. Not that the episodes where something actually happens are worthwhile, but at least the story moved forward.
George's Vasectomy
The hot topic this episode seemed to be George's vasectomy. Yes, that is how low the writer's have stooped. Instead of keeping George's naughty bits a private family affair, Grace decided to open her big mouth and tell everyone that George didn't actually "get neutered" (as George so aptly put it last episode). Which begs the question why a grown man would confide that sort of secret in a teenage girl. That seems a little inappropriate, doesn't it? But now its blown up in his face and Grant High is abuzz over Amy's father's loins speculating whether or not Anne's baby is his or her Tom-Hanks-a-like boyfriend's. The audience, unfortunately, was already lead down a path of confusion weeks ago and instead of revealing it, Brenda Hampton will continue to torture her loyal viewers with an episode about idle gossip in which nothing actually gets solved. Yawn.
Betty the Internet Hooker
For someone with such a big mouth, Grace has kept awfully mum about the fact that Ben's dad (the Sausage King) is marrying a hooker. But that hasn't really stopped the characters from outright deciding she is a hooker by her dress and mannerisms. Amy had the gall to accuse her boyfriend's father of marrying a hooker with no concrete proof or evidence for that matter. In fact, no one (besides Grace and Tom) have seen any evidence that might point out that this woman is, indeed, a hooker. They've all made leaps and bounds to jump to this conclusion. And its really kind of a rude one. Accusing your boyfriend's soon-to-be stepmom of being a hooker is harsh! But then again, Amy hasn't really been known for her kindness anyway. Wouldn't the logical thing to do (assuming Brenda Hampton is a logical human being) is to point out that the woman was just a little, distastful? Telling someone their future stepmom looks a bit slutty is a lot less offensive than outright accusing her of working the corner, right?
And Then Some Other Stuff Happened
Amid no discernable plot points, Amy and Ben are still fighting over her going to Bologna, Anne hasn't decided if she's marrying Tom-Hanks-a-like (although he did propose that they get a house together that he bought a long time ago with his rich parents' money) and the paternity of Anne's baby is still a little murky. Oh, and the Sausage King randomly gave Ricky a place for free so he can move out of his parents' house when he turns 18 (although he seemed to have been in a foster home, so the term "parents" is less than clear. Does Ricky even have parents?). And of course Adrian is going to come over to have sex with him in upcoming episodes just so the writers can fit in their episode quota of mentioning the word "sex".
Quotable Gems
Beneath the rough, two diamond of quotes emerged. First, when Anne seemed unsure about marrying her Tom-Hanks-a-like, he slid the ring on her finger while telling her "Anne, wear the ring! The ring will make all your reservations and everything else go away!" . Thanks ABC Family for leading a future generation to believe that marriage doesn't create more problems, but in fact solves them all.
The best quote of the night was said by Ashley, Amy's "sassy" little sister. And her quote, perhaps sums up this entire show: "Sometimes weird things happen. And we just have to accept them, whether we think they're right or not." Preach, Ashley, preach.
Tova Sertel - T. Sertel is an educator, writer and blogger.
